|Gray skies got me feeling blue|
Some days I am not certain what I am doing in Okinawa anymore. For the first time in ages, I have felt terribly homesick for America. I've noticed a distancing I've had internally from the Japanese culture. For a while, I loved it here and saw only the good. Of course I noticed things I didn't like, but the good outweighed the bad. But I'm starting to realize that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to integrate or to be seen as a human being, as myself, I will always be first and foremost a 外人. Even to the people who I am closest to here. It's such a barrier against establishing real connections with our Japanese colleagues and friends. It's one of the most difficult things that foreigners really face in Japan. There aren't too many other difficulties to be honest. Part of the problem for me is language barrier issues. I study Japanese, but I don't study it enough. I have a tutor and I learn how to read it but I don't really speak too well. Ugh. I'm feeling kind of down right now about these things. Maybe I'm going through another wave of culture shock? I don't know. I just know that I'm not certain I want to stay another year in Japan (in Okinawa or anywhere else in Japan to be honest).
|You don't belong here.|
|The indecision monster returns!|
|I feel a bit like this.|