I've had so many things running through my mind this week that I'm not even certain where to begin. For one thing, I wrote briefly about a rather craptastic thing happening to me that was relatively arts related. I deleted that post because it was constructed from a place of high emotional stress, but the issue itself poked at a wound in me that I had thought had healed. The wound itself has to do with being taken seriously as an artist and as a writer by others (not just myself). Unfortunately, even though I made an honest attempt to give a credible review about a local artist here in Okinawa the opposite happened instead. I'm still having a hard time dealing with being between two sets of people who were in their own ways disrespectful to me (one set in publishing my work with photos from the artist without permission and the other set by not even reading the work that was sent to them. And yes, I do think due diligence - as a friend termed it -- is required). I've had to just come to terms with the fact that this happened. And I've also had to try to figure out what this lesson meant to teach me.
Waaah waah waah I guess. I'll get beyond this. But it has stirred up some deeper issues that I've faced, such as not feeling creatively stimulated here. I do not feel like I'm part of an artistic community. My job as an ALT is not exactly how I define myself. More and more it feels less exciting and rewarding than it once did.
I sometimes wonder what I gave up when I left NYC and what I gained in coming to Japan. I feel less credible, less independent (due to language and cultural barriers) and overall I feel less professional. I am no longer on a career path in the arts. But I do have my own apartment, my own space, a ton of downtime that I did not have in the city and I'm usually not as stressed out as I was.
So, how do I make the Japan experience work? After 2.5 years here, is it possible? Should I even try, or should I just pack up my belongings and head elsewhere? What do I need to do?
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